Perspective Changing Experiences

I think that you experience things in life that changes you. It changes how you view life, what your perspective is, your understanding of things, and many other things. Sometimes these experiences are things that happen to you but sometimes they are things that happen to others that you know and love. In my life, I have had both.
Just over five years ago, one of my good friend's husband was killed in a car accident. She and I were both expecting and it really hit home for me. Thankfully, her husband had very good life insurance, but no amount of money can replace a loving, kind, and good man to have by your side. She was able to get through the difficult time with faith, love, and support from family and friends. She recently married an very good man who loves her boys as his own.
Almost a year later, one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer. This was her third time trying to fight this terrible monster. The first two times were breast cancer and she was victorious. This time it had gone after her liver, and unfortunately she passed away about two and a half months after the diagnosis. She was a lady that shined with goodness and light. She tried to think of others and was always there when you needed her. She left behind a wonderful husband and three beautiful children. Two who were in their teens (or close to) and one sweet girl that was three. I had the blessing of watching her little girl for a few years. It gave me the chance to stay close to her family and have a little bit of her in my home each day. Her husband remarried a beautiful woman and her children have grown into wonderful people. There is hardly a day that doesn't go by that I don't think of her. She has influenced my life far more than I think she knew.
Just over two years ago, I had a beautiful daughter. She came after a long line of boys and is a joy in my life. However, after giving birth, I began to experience a dark time in my life. I had postpartum depression. I have already written about it in a different post. Suffice it to say, it was one of the hardest times in my life.
This month, I've experienced two more of those kind of experiences. First, I suffered a miscarriage early in January. I was about 8 weeks along, although the sac only measured about 5.5 weeks. Thankfully I was able to have an ultrasound to see what was going on and they could not see a baby inside of the sac. The term is called a "blighted ovum". Sometimes the sac forms but no baby formed. It was a great comfort to realize that although I did lose a pregnancy, I didn't lose a baby. It was still a loss, but not as emotional as if there had been a baby there.
Then last Saturday, one of my dear friends, suffered a venous stroke. She is a few years younger than me and has three children, one that is only two weeks old. Last I heard, she was struggling controlling the right side of her body and with speech. I hope and pray that she can fully recover from this life changing event.
All of these experiences have taught me many things. I'm constantly reminded to be grateful for the time I have with my wonderful husband, with my children, and with other dear loved ones. I have also been humbled and learned again and again that I am not in charge. My plan is NOT always what GOD's Plan is. HE is the one in charge and He knows what we each need. I also have seen many tender mercies given to my friends and myself to know that GOD does LOVE US!
So as you go forward and have life changing experiences, know that you are not forgotten, even when you feel like you are.

Living Life even when you Struggle

Hi All,
I don't really know how many people read this blog. I know that I'm not very consistent with writing, but hope to find a way to do more this year.
Life for the past two plus years has been crazy for us. We bought, remodeled, and moved into a new home all while I was pregnant with our fifth child. After the baby was born, the house was a disaster still from moving (we moved when I was eight months pregnant about three weeks before Christmas), I was sleep deprived and had a new baby that took sometime to figure out. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love our new home and our baby, but I was overwhelmed!

Then Summer hit and I hit a wall! I was grumpy with my kids, had a baby that was very fussy, a house that was still a mess, and didn't get much of a break from any of it. I would have thoughts about just driving into oncoming traffic so I could see what would happen. This WAS NOT me! Thankfully, my sweet husband told me "I can tell you are struggling. You need to get help NOW." So I went to my doctor and got a prescription for antidepressants and also started seeing a therapist.

Within a few weeks, I started feeling better and being more patient with my children. My crazy thoughts stopped coming and I finally felt somewhat normal. I have to say that most of that is due to the antidepressants.  I struggled connecting with my therapist and opening up to her. I tried, but I just didn't feel comfortable with her, so I couldn't be myself. I just put on the face that I put on most of the time. Anyway, by the beginning of 2017, I was off of the antidepressants and feeling good.

Then summer hit again and I could feel myself slipping. So I still had some of my prescription left and I started taking it more regularly. It helped. Once school started, I was able to wean off again. I can't say that I'm 100% but it's better than it was. I miss my old self and am trying to figure out who I really am. I think that mom's often feel like they lose a sense of who they really are. I know I feel that way sometimes.  This year, I hope to figure out who I AM!