Living Life even when you Struggle

Hi All,
I don't really know how many people read this blog. I know that I'm not very consistent with writing, but hope to find a way to do more this year.
Life for the past two plus years has been crazy for us. We bought, remodeled, and moved into a new home all while I was pregnant with our fifth child. After the baby was born, the house was a disaster still from moving (we moved when I was eight months pregnant about three weeks before Christmas), I was sleep deprived and had a new baby that took sometime to figure out. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely love our new home and our baby, but I was overwhelmed!

Then Summer hit and I hit a wall! I was grumpy with my kids, had a baby that was very fussy, a house that was still a mess, and didn't get much of a break from any of it. I would have thoughts about just driving into oncoming traffic so I could see what would happen. This WAS NOT me! Thankfully, my sweet husband told me "I can tell you are struggling. You need to get help NOW." So I went to my doctor and got a prescription for antidepressants and also started seeing a therapist.

Within a few weeks, I started feeling better and being more patient with my children. My crazy thoughts stopped coming and I finally felt somewhat normal. I have to say that most of that is due to the antidepressants.  I struggled connecting with my therapist and opening up to her. I tried, but I just didn't feel comfortable with her, so I couldn't be myself. I just put on the face that I put on most of the time. Anyway, by the beginning of 2017, I was off of the antidepressants and feeling good.

Then summer hit again and I could feel myself slipping. So I still had some of my prescription left and I started taking it more regularly. It helped. Once school started, I was able to wean off again. I can't say that I'm 100% but it's better than it was. I miss my old self and am trying to figure out who I really am. I think that mom's often feel like they lose a sense of who they really are. I know I feel that way sometimes.  This year, I hope to figure out who I AM!